how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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