i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
