somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Is it because I queefed?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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