covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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