you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
