turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
