His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
