Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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