I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it wasn't lemon gatorade
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize