no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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