dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
