He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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