I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
