I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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