Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
