She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
