so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize