he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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