Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
