I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
