i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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