Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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