I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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