: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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