I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
