Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
