I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize