Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
