The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize