I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
