the day after is always just damage control
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
