I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
