It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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