Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Terrible idea I love it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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