Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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