cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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