Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
