Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
