I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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