i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize