I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
