i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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