You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
