What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize