I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
That reminds me...we need to get swords
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
