and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Acid is not a monday night drug
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
