i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize