I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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