Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
