he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
