CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
