I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Randomize
