my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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