You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
