I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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