hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
