Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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