Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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