I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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