i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
