Pants 0. Shit 1.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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