All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
