So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
