Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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