is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
