I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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