i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
