Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
