i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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