Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no, he came in my armpit
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
