it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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