i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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