i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
