I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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